So this past weekend was "different", to say the least. Hubby was off camping with his boy scout troop and the boys and I were home all weekend. I felt bad, I really had nothing planned to do, and after paying the mortgage and the car payment I was down to seven dollars in the bank. But every morning when they got up I heard; "What are we going to do today, momma?" So we did a lot of spring clean up in the yard, took the dog for walks and went on bike rides. But poor D, he kept saying "I want daddy!", like he had been gone for years or something. He ended up sleeping with me both nights, and was really restless.
On Saturday I tried to get together with my friend A to take the kids to the park. But they had a full day planned and she was hoping to get some family time in with her husband, so I can not fault her for that. D was asking and asking for me to take him to the park, so we went to the park in Spencer across from the fair grounds. It is a awesome park, but because of that people from all the surrounding areas, and even the city, go there. Being it was 82, not to many people were there when we first got there. The boys were playing good for about ten minuets, than a girl from C's class came and he was playing with her, so D got upset and kept asking to leave. I told him we were staying for one hour, he had been bugging me and bugging me to go. So he ran back over and muscled his way in to their game. lol I went to sit on the only bench in the shade. That's when this guy with more hair on him than I had ever seen, came over and sat on the bench next to me. He tried to make small talk, "really hot huh!" and was smiling away at me. Well maybe my monotone one word answer gave him the hint and after a few minuets he got up and went over to another lady on the other side of the park. I was wondering if he had a kid playing there or if he was just looking for a "friend", needless to say I was glad my hour was up, and yelled for the kids so we could go home. Why do they always find me!@!!
By Saturday night I was felling sorry for myself. Thinking I had nothing to do with the boys, no friends to call, and all that self pity stuff. Than I sat down and thought, enjoy the break! This coming week I am volunteering at school 2 days, I work this coming weekend, and C and hubby are going camping this weekend. (so it will be just me and D! D is already stressing!) Be glad I had a weekend to just hang at home. I had to tell myself, yes A really is busy, its not that she just does not want to see you, yes Me, the world does not revolve around me!!!!
I also made the decision that I am going to share something with my new friend that has been weighing me down for some time. Maybe even effecting how I think about all other aspects of my life. Maybe she can help me, maybe that's why I found her. The thing is I do not want to add any more stress to her life, she already has a full plate. I am also worried she will not want to keep talking to me. That maybe she will think I am bad. I don't know, maybe they are childish worries,but I need another opinion on this. I think the issue has bruised my soul.
So that's where I stand. D is really stressed that he can not go camping with C and hubby this weekend. He is really close to hubby, and I saw this weekend his anger issues are becoming more pronounced. But it is kind of funny, one minuet he will be getting really mad because I told him he can not have another snack, and he is ready to throw a fit, and the next he is coming up to me and saying"huggy"! Under all that misplaced aggression he is so cute and such a stickler for rules, and so worried about his family always being together. He just does not know how to show his feelings and say what he means at times. I am so mad the therapist I found does not have an opening until the end of May. Maybe I will call him again today. And I fell so bad for C, he is still so afraid of his own "shadow". He is going to be 9 in June and he still jumps at every loud noise and gets so stressed about simple things. I am starting to think maybe I sheltered him too much. I am going to try and give him a little more responsibility and see how that goes.