I came home from work yesterday afternoon to find my dog had left me a rather large present in the kitchen. I was tired, had just picked the boys up from after school program, C was still under the weather some, and D was in his usual form. I put the dog and D out in the back yard, C in the living room and set on the task of cleaning up the mess. (And was wondering if the cat had walked through it all day, no he is too smart.) Thank god I keep the dog in the kitchen when we are all out of the house. An hour into cleaning and getting settled and my house back in order, I realized there was no place else I would rather be. A rather funny realization at the moment, but I really did feel most comfortable taking care of my family and home. I have been plagued recently with a longing for more, but I suddenly feel that I am content.
I struggle, as I am sure we all do, with the challenges of parenthood, and being a working mother and marriage, and on and on.... but the rewards have been plenty this week. Hugs, tears, I love yous from warm little boys and spring walks by the lake. I even connected with hubby, talked to M, and pulled myself out of my funk. Maybe we all face it at one time or another, and feel sorry for ourselves, but maybe my Easter peace and the prayers from my friend, have helped me realize all I have. This post maybe a little sappy I know, but true! I just hope I can keep this momentum going. There is so much crap going on in the world right now, we need to accentuate the positive!
I have been talking to parents of other kindergartner's, and I am coming to see that some of D's behaviors are normal for this age group. Especially the mouth. Just his other issues compound it and make him more aggressive and less likely to channel his aggression. In order to help him I am going to have to change myself.
You see.. I do not follow through on threats and punishments. When I tell him I am going to do something or take something away from him he gets worse, or hits me with the "you don't love me!" "Everybody is mean!" type of lines, so I back down. (I hate to think I am making him feel un loved, I felt that too much as a child!) But than he gets worse and gets his way. The last couple of days I have seen them as quilt trips or manipulations and I think I have come to realize I can not back down. It is because I love him I need to set the limits and stick by them. When I punish him for hitting C or lying or mouthing off to me, it does not mean I am mean, it means I am showing him these are not acceptable behaviors! ( I have to keep telling myself that!) It is not like I hurt him, I just take privileges away and put him in time out. Or I walk away, which really angers him because he loves attention. And I see the more I call his bluff, the more he realizes he can not get away with it. I have to get over the guilt. I love them so much! I wish I had come to this realization years ago, let me tell ya. I just want to be better than my parents were, be there for them, not always at work or sleeping!!!(m & D) The closer I get to overcoming my depression and fears.. the better I am becoming at parenting. (thank you Dr.F)
Now if only I could do something about my mother.... a reflection for another time...
"To err is human.. to forgive divine!"