Tuesday, October 13, 2009

oh Boy...

okay, today I am missing going to work. I have put together stuff for cub scouts and boy scouts, cleaned and did mounds and mounds of laundry. I am so board. I looked in the paper and found out there are no jobs. I looked on line and found out for every job posted there are 10 applicants. I have thought about going to school, the problem, I do not know what I want to do. All in all I am ready to pull my hair out and it is day 3! And here is the worse thought of all, I have been thinking about the M person all day!

Our relationship has been good, friends for the most part we have been talking a couple of times a week. They babysit for us, we babysit for them, hang out sometimes all that jazz. The problem, M is quiet upset with hubby, for always blowing him off and never helping him, and I am getting, for speaking a little condescendingly to him. But hay, M should be happy hubby has never punched his lights out so go easy there. But there were also a few times I did something I should not have done. (burn fires of hell) I have issues, every time there is strain with hubby and I and our relationship I fall into this pattern. He is gone a lot, shuts down emotionally when there is stress or problems(like now) and does not want to talk things out. M talks to me. Its someone to talk to. And now today I am worried that I have said something to offend again or done something wrong because he did not call me. And I feel like he was a little strange when I saw him last. Maybe I worry needlessly, I have been better. But the whole lost job, and feeling down, and hiding the emotion from hubby, maybe getting to me. Is so hard to explain the draw, the emotion, and the pull. It really most of the time is about friendship and someone to talk to. And really I have done nothing but a hug and a peck, but where could that go. ugggggggg...my life is so complicated...okay not really...I just have to focus.

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