Monday, January 11, 2010

Sunday and Monday

Sunday

Sunday I wanted to just do nothing. So, I skipped church and CCD (I know ...bad) and declared that we would just have a day at home and together. Go nowhere, no plans, no deadlines, just flow with the wind so to speak. Well.....hubby got irritated in the morning with D. D was his usual morning self and was talking non stop, and running around, and well,,,just being D. So when his friend called with an invite to go watch the Patriots game he was all for it. He said there was no way he could be in the house with D ALL day. Well, by the afternoon D had calmed down and was sad hubby was going off. He ended up spending the afternoon with high levels of anxiety and mopping around. Even though I played outside with them and made apple pie and all kinds of other "fun" stuff. I was kind of annoyed. He did not make it to most of the sledding party Saturday and was late to C & S's that night for diner. I thought we could all just chill Sunday. But, I really do not want to be seen as a bitchy wife who never lets her husband do anything. Any other time I would not have cared. Maybe I have no right to be annoyed. I don't know. Than when he came home he went right back out to do a delivery for work. (He was on call) He said they called on the way home. But, as I am still checking for TT calls, I saw that they called at 2:30. Not 4:45 when he was on his way home. So he put it off till after the game, and made it look like it just came up. So D got even more sad when he went right back out. I don't know, I am probably just being unreasonable. He is just gone so much.

Monday

I was picking the kids up from school when I saw TT drive up. I was unsure it was her at first. But I figured out it was. When i got out of the van and was waiting at the pick up place for the boys I saw her. She turned around and made eye contact, I smiled, she totally ignored me. I got the worse feeling in my stomach. I was sick, I was shaking, and felt tears well up in my eyes. She knows who I am. Every month I stand in front of pack meetings and cub scout functions. One of D's friend ran out and said "Hi Mrs. D's mom" and his mother said remember its Mrs. B, and I am sure she heard that exchange. She had no excuse to not know who I am. Now maybe I am reading too much into this. But, as someone who has been there, you usually are over friendly to the guys wife, or totally ignore her. I have a really bad feeling about this. Like I said I am probably reading too much into this. My own insecurities. But I have a bad feeling. I am not telling hubby any of this or any of my fears. He gets so upset when I am insecure. I am sure there is nothing to worry about. And if there is, I most certainly deserve every bad thing I get. The phrases payback is a bitch, and turn around is fair play, will apply. I just love him so much. I will do everything better and be so good to him he will have no reason to ever doubt me again. I will be the perfect wife so he has no reason to complain, and I will hold it all in. I will cry when no one will hear me. because if i am just over reacting, which I am sure I am, I do not want to embarrass myself later with unfounded accusations. I believe they are just friends, just talking, and if it was ever anything more. I deserve it. But that feeling I got in the pit of my stomach had me out of sorts for a couple of hours. Am I making sense? I just don't like the way she looks.

1 comment:

  1. What? Wait a minute here....

    THIS IS NOT ALL YOUR FAULT!

    You have a right to be insecure and paranoid about this situation. And good ol' hubby there - well he is a bit of a fibber. Small white lies sort of add up and become a trust issue. Sure there is no harm in telling your wife - oh sorry work called I got to go and leaving out that they called during the game, (being a dad or mom is hard sometimes - and escaping to a friends or work could be just what the doctor ordered for him that day but he has to be honest about that) When you add one white lie to with other little things you start to worry about what else was a little fib. Be careful and be honest with him. Stop going through his phone - it isn't going to help anything. Tell him you are still upset of TT and want to know if there is anything else you should know. Give him the opportunity to explain his feelings. And please - you deserve nothing bad. Catholic guilt is a learned activity not an inherited trait and you seem to have done your penance. Everything will get better if everyone starts being real.

    HA - my vacation brain is so clear .... :P)

    Talk to you this week - Love and Prayers - Jamie

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