The other day I kind of touched on this in my post. But after a really hard day with D I sat down and just tried to think what it must be like from his point of view. To be in his head sort of. From all my reading on NVLD and Aspbergers I knew that all information has to be taken in verbally and tangible. (like manipulative's for math you can touch, and being read to, and having picture references) So concepts like time passing and lessons planed out on a board, or directions to follow, can overwhelm him and confuse him to the point of an anxiety attack. And than his fast paced brain that jumps from stimulus to stimulus and gives him no time for rest. His ADHD that just winds him up. And how do I respond? Totally not right, I would think. To yell, and bark a string of commands or requests, and give him no transition time is not the right approach. His head must be a jumble of thoughts and stimulus all vying for his attention. And than the world comes along with its rules and order. AHHHHHH!
So I voiced my theory to the councilor today. And to my surprise, she agreed! We have to defuse a situation and calm him down before we can re-direct or teach. She went over "I" words with him, to help him take ownership of his feelings and not just yell and hit and go berserk. When something does not go his way. We explained that parents have rules because they love you, and not to torment you. We came up with a "quiet" corner for him with a code word. So when I think he is really overstimulated, or he thinks he needs a break ,we just have to say the code word and he goes to his quiet corner.(good in theory,lets see how it works!) And we started to come up with a plan for morning routines. Where the most trouble starts. And really he just also needs to learn other people have needs. Not just D. It was decided C will come to the next session so we can get his input and set up a play schedule for them. So D knows OK...C is going to play with me from 3-4 PM. So I don't need to ask him 700 times and get him upset and start a fight. I love family therapy!! No, really I do.
I left feeling better than I have in a couple weeks. I also need to know I can not back down and bend my rules. That constant and firm redirection, and sticking to the punishments, no matter how bad the tantrum, will benefit us all in the long run. She has drummed that into my head.
On another topic...because I like to jump around. If you have not heard Blue October check them out. They are a great band. The lead singer has struggled with depression and does a lot for mental health issues and suicide prevention. Their songs can be adult themed. so preview them before the kids. But a lot of their stuff speaks to me. Their song "My Never" was written after The lead singer, Justin Furenstein ( I just totally butchered his name) read the Twilight Saga. (It's supposed to be about the Bella Jacob relationship) Their tour last year was put on hold because of his depression struggle. I hope they come around here someday. I would love to see them in concert.