Monday, March 15, 2010

It's so hard

It's so hard to be a parent, a mother, a wife, all of it. There are days I wake up and I am afraid to face what I know is the inevitable. The grumbling, the attitudes and the behavior issues. The morning time is the worse. Before D's medicine kicks in and before he gets himself going. The behavior issues are worse than, and there is just no redirection. I know the limitations of his mind, not all of them obviously, but the ones spelled out to me with the NVLD. I can try the picture cues, and the relaxation techniques, and the time outs until I am blue in the face. The truth of the matter is some days are just better than others and some days I cope better than others. The therapists all mean well. The authors of all the books mean well. But at the end of the day, and the beginning for that matter, all I have to go on is my gut. Sometimes I have to really will myself not to give up. It does not help that I feel alone all the time. Its not my husband's fault that he has to work long hours. Its a good thing he does. But when he is here he could be a little nicer and a little more understanding. It is always the same old argument, and I am tired of it. It's hard to give up, but on some things I have to. To save my sanity. To save my energy to give the boys what they need. And they need a lot! Today I really don't know where I stand. Where I stand with work, with unemployment or with finances. (My constant point of worry) And even where I stand with Todd. I know he is still lying to me about the amount of times he talks to TT. I hope he knows how much I love him. Sometimes I think he does not even realize how much what he says hits the wrong way. I wish I could take so much back. It's so hard not to give up......

1 comment:

  1. Are you okay Becca? Everything sounds so awful. I am worried about you.