Saturday, April 10, 2010

In D's head...part2

So here we stand. After my really optimistic post about how great I felt after that therapy session, and my new and improved game plan, I had a week where I was a doubting Thomas. (That is stuck in my head because the readings at church tonight were about when Thomas doubted the appearance of Jesus after the Resurrection.) Easter was hard to say the least. D woke up in a horrible mood and was in C's face and was all over the map and it just set T off. He ended up telling him he takes the joy out of everything and ruins everything and had D running upstairs crying as we were trying to leave for church. Now I know its hard when D is in a mood and you can not seem to reach him. But you can not say stuff like that. D will just totally take it to heart and be even more unreachable. So I was pissed. I mean I am not perfect and can blow my top, but I try to watch what I say. Than T carried his piss ass mood into church and brunch and just totally made me pissed. And I am sure everyone could tell at dinner at his mom's, and everything else we did that day. Than later that night when I tried to talk to him about it we just ended up yelling and not making any sense, I went to bed furious with him! The next day I just let it roll off my shoulders and went on. I can not waste my precious little sanity on trivial things. But I still don't feel like dear hubby gets it. And he will not go to a therapy session with us. I think he would totally benefit from hearing what she has to say, and her strategies for dealing with it. Changing him is not going to happen over night. I know it seems so hard to deal with D, I have my doubts, and fears, and moments all the time. But I also see the good in him! I see the love and concern for others and the good soul that is there.He is so filled with curiosity and wonder and intelligence. He will make it! I will see to that. And I just have to remind myself of these things when I am in the middle of a tempest of emotion or a D I want moment. But the school, or certain people at the school, that is a whole other matter!

I requested a IEP review meeting early because I had some concerns about D's academic progress. It seems he is moving along better than I anticipated and in the last month especially has made some great progress. He seems to be strong in math, which I had a feeling, he loves to count everything. He is still struggling in reading, but is better. That I have seen also, he loves to try and read every sign to me as we drive down the street. Than I started talking about some behavior issues I have noticed between my boys and one in particular that has been impacting C and his friends at school. D always tries to get in C's friend's faces and be right in their games and business and it causes fights. And the older kids are picking on D. It was then that the speech pathologist asks what he is in counseling for because she does not see any issues with him. She does not agree with the aspbergers' diagnosis of our therapist and Children's friend. Well, lady, as you than decided, with which I agree,, that D no longer is eligible for speech services, why the hell are you commenting on this! Now they want to see his records from Children's friend with a copy of the diagnosis, because they do not see the type of behavior issues at school he has at home. Well, maybe I should send him to school without his meds and than you can see. Or maybe by the time he gets home is anxiety is at a peek because he tries to keep it together all day. He likes people to have a good opinion of him. I must add that I have never had a high opinion of this lady in the first place. She has never really made a good impression for me, and just is plain rude at times. Mind you I work in this school system and have seen her in action at other times. Yeah she sucks.

So after a week where I looked inside at times to see how my reactions effected everything, and where D tested my patience to the limit and that of my patience with my spouse, I head into the new week with a fresh out look...I hope. subbing went well in Friday, I always worry for nothing. I hope I can continue to sub for awhile and see how I like it. I would love to be a class room aide or something. I have also been thinking of school to get a teaching degree. I like it allot. If I can just get my own fears in check. And I checked on T and TT's crazy husband seems to be on the camping trip also, so that took a load off. I just really wish he was home, I need some time with him. I miss being with him. I know D is just hard and he likes to be away.....but he needs to step up. I need him and miss him.

C is good. Some minor problems there that are not really problems at all. I will go into his saga another time. He is just so sweet, and cooko! My little rock! I know a mother should not have favorites,,that might have been Eve's down fall, but he is just great. Not a favorite really, just that first born connection. He is destined for great things! They both are...just wait and see!

1 comment:

  1. This is really touching. Both your kids are lucky you are their mom!