Monday, November 29, 2010


Man I should really be cleaning my house or something productive. But here I sit typing away and wasting time at the computer. I tell myself that I can clean when the boys are home. But to do something like write, I need total silence. I am one of those people who can not write while the TV or radio is on, or there is any commotion in the background at all. So after I write this I will do some housework before I work on my book.

So complications, here they are. After all the time I put into the post office training, I did not pass the driving test! I am so livid! I really think I had a ass hole for a tester. The other thing is that they give you only three hours to familiarize yourself with the vehicle before they take you on the test. And it is so different to drive than a passenger vehicle. Especially since you are driving from the right. They don't even give you very much instruction, just a few tips and you are off. And I think anyone from the Brookfields who makes it through South Boston alive needs to pass! So the Post master from West Brookfield is trying to get it so I can take it again. We will see. I got paid a good chunk of money for the training. So that is a plus. And I took the job at Price Chopper, start that on Wednesday. But that is so much less money and not too many hours guaranteed. I guess I should be happy to have a job. I am also going to keep looking and if I get to take the test again, I will do it. I just do not looking forward to going to Boston again! But the sad thing is I could not cry when they called me. I got off the phone and felt like shit and was so sad, but no tears. I felt like I could show no emotion. I was afraid to tell hubby. Not because I was afraid he would be mad I did not get it, but because I was afraid I would show to much emotion. It's funny, I am so afraid to disappoint him now and make him not love me again, that I am holding everything in. Even when I am alone. We are making so much progress. We had a great weekend. P and M took the kids overnight Friday night and they had a blast. And we got some free time to watch a movie and talk, and I loved it. We really had a good time, I almost forgot everything. But I keep working on it and I really don't know where his head is at. I think it had more to do with the M person and less to do with the "emotional" thing. I just can not get the rapid flip flop. He said it wasn't like that, but to me it is. I feel like I am the only one changing. He is still his sarcastic, hate my mother, flirting with every woman around self. But I keep telling myself I have to make it work and all my work will only make me better. I feel more confident. The going to Boston by myself thing did wonders for my self esteem. And we were so happy this weekend. I hope to god it lasts! I see the "shrink" again this week. Lets see what she says. But I do love him and our family so much. And there are so many people going thorough similar things who can't work it out. The financial stress is only half of it. I will write another time on the small town gossip. A small town is a monster in and of itself!

The boys, I am so proud of them! They had an awesome time at P and M's and I can not thank them enough. It is hard for me to leave them, I know get a grip. But it was good for them. And hopefully when P and M move closer we will get together more. It important to me that C and D are close to the girls. I had no family and I would love for them to be close and always have each other's backs. And my mother nags them so much and always yells, that's why they don't want to stay with her. Man she was getting on my nerves this weekend. Too much time with her! She likes the control when I owe her money. Main reason for getting a job. So the holiday weekend was good. would love to do Friday night over again. I liked being happy!

Well gotta go do some work.

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry to hear about the USPS for now anyway - I am sure it will all turn out the way it is suppose to, head held high - you did great.

    I can relate to the with holding emotion thing. Don't be afraid to schedule your self a good cry! Your doing good.

    Glad you had a nice night alone with your hubby. Alone - as in no kids. Amazing isn't it. LOL.