Friday, November 5, 2010

The post in which I rant and muse!

Rant: To talk wildly, to speak bombastically.

Muse: To ponder, to meditate, to think, to reflect. (Also, one's inner voice as a source of creativity.)

As I wrote those definitions I was thinking, well isn't that what I do with every post? But this time I am combining them in one post that skips around and covers many bases. There is so much floating around in my mind right now, I am sure all of you are dying to know what. Yeah, I am too! So on to the rants first. Those might be more interesting.

My first rant revolves around the fact I have been to Boston every day this week for training and orientation with the USPS, hereby referred to as my job. I will also be headed there Monday. And then on to finish the training in Shrewsbury the rest of the week. On the news this AM they were talking about how the USPS has laid off hundreds of thousands of workers and is in the hole for millions of dollars. This is all true. That is why I am hired as a temp worker, so they don't have to pay benefits. But they spend hundreds of dollars on long, windy training programs! The info is valid to the job, but it seems it could have been done in a day or two instead of weeks. The first day I was an hour late because I made a wrong turn. By day three, I was off the GPS and a literal pro at driving there. It doesn't take me long to catch on to things. (I could have forgone the GPS on day two, but liked it talking to me. By day three, it was driving me crazy!) Now the fact that they are talking about doing away with Saturday delivery is crazy, that's what they just hired me for! The government does everything in the least effective, most debt inducing way I swear. I can not even begin to explain it! But now I am a government employee, so I have to be careful!

I also have another job for during the week. It just kind of fell in my lap yesterday. I am going to be the office manager for Independent Garage Door. Full time, 35 hours, decent pay. My friend that I worked with at the JHC called me yesterday. Her husband owns the company and his manager walked out on him and he knows me and that I need a job, I am reliable,and learn fast, and I am dependable. (all his words) The pros, obviously a job! And I can take the boys in with me on snow days and stuff because I will be the only one in the office most of the time. And flexibility for doctors appointments and such. I have done secretarial work and reception work before. I can tell the guys where to go on a call, I can add to a web page, I know my way around computers fairly well. I have strong customer service skills. Its the book keeping, payroll stuff that I have limited knowledge in. (But if this guy can do it, he is, well not the brightest bulb on the tree. I should be able to pick it up.) Its all in Quicken and I have been starting to read up on Quicken. But what worries me is the guys.He and his brother are gruff. They like to yell, they smoke, and are loud. They can be very rough around the edges. I will have to have a thick skin and let stuff roll off me. I hope I can do this! Hubby says I can, but he is thinking pay check and a way out of this hole we have dug. Man I have to toughen up, I like a challenge and love office work. I just need to ignore their rants. And to go from no job to two jobs, working 6 days a week, is going to be a adjustment in and of itself. Man, I like not working! I like the time to myself! I will have a hard a time adjusting as D I swear. Maybe he will even be better than me! Really, I have found driving to Boston everyday strangely empowering. I am doing it all by myself, and I have never done that before. To be 35 and to finally feel like I am making a decision for me, well, it's different. After doing this I feel like I can do anything. Like I can handle the brothers at Independent and their gruff attitudes. (yeah girl, keep talking yourself up!) I have felt good about myself this week, I have been happy, even though I have been dog tired. Still worrying about the boys and things, but I have been feeling better about me!

The boys. Well, C had a hard time this week. He hates change as much as D. They have been taking the bus, that was traumatic to them at first. But going to friends houses in the afternoon has been like a treat to them. I will have to put them in the after school program starting Thanksgiving week. But they don't mind it. I actually think it will be good for them too, hard for us all at first. I love all the time we spend together. But maybe we will value the time more. I will miss them so much, I love being their mom! D has been having a "constipation" issue these past few days. I feel so bad for him. I have been trying everything. I think a doctor call is in store for tomorrow. I also need a new prescription for his Daytrana and have had to cancel a doctors appointment for him because of the orientation crap, and he just won't write me one. I am going to try the pedi on Monday. He has written it in the past. Poor D is so hyper without it. Today was not actually bad. But I feel bad when he can't let himself rest. And if the two of them don't stop fighting. Man! The arguing and tattletale drives me nuts!

And hubby...well my birthday was this week. He text ed me that he loved me! He "feels" like we are doing better. He says he loves me again. That the more confident I get, the better he feels about me. The man is taking me on a emotional roller coaster! I don't think he gets what this has done to me. He shattered my world, and now he loves me again. I am trying to not be resentful. I want us to stay together and work this out. I think that the past year has just really thrown him for a loop with finances, D and his issues, the whole M person thing coming to a head. And we both made mistakes, but I feel like I was made to pay for it all. But God has made me see what real love is and how to be the bigger person. I think God for the clarity and my friends S and J for all their kind words and keeping me on the ground. I am trying, I am still unsure of his work, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. But he better stop with the TT helped me see what I have to loose crap. I hate her. Ugg! I just can't put my finger on why. But I do know I won't let him do this to me again. He needs to take the responsibility too. He was right there with me.

So see what I mean by rant and muse. I think it fell more under muse, I could have gone on a better rant. I think I need a dose of "Edward". One more year till BD on the big screen...but, a few weeks to Eclipse on DVD. I think I am going to go read, I need new books. Time to place an Amazon order. Or maybe I will watch some Twilight and have some wine...mmmm

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