Thursday, July 14, 2011
As someone who was basically forced to choose between my job, that I held for 13 years, and my child's well being after school, I can relate. I went from a supervisory position in a field I loved, to checking out groceries. I went from making my mortgage payments, to loosing eight hundred dollars a month and my house in the process. But I am here for my children, that's all that matters. Even though it has taken me the last two years to straighten out my mind and my marriage.
If you read some of the other pages on the blog you know of the struggle I go through with my son. At least twice a week I hear from someone "I don't know how you do it." or "You are amazing." Truth be told, you just do what you have to do. A lot of times I berate myself, kick myself and second guess myself. You hold it together for the masses, and your family. You make it work. I have other no choice. Well, it's better said that to me there is no other choice.
Because really the struggles have taught me alot, and I still have more to learn. It's amazing to look at the world through my son's eyes. Both my sons for that matter. In with all the whirlwind of emotion and pure hyperactive go,go, go, is a kindness and a quest for knowledge that is second to none. Granted it's hard to remember that when you are in the heat of battle over some major meltdown. But it makes sense to remind yourself.
The big blow for me was this past month when he was diagnosed as Bipolar along with the PDDNOS. Mental illness carries such a bid target, even today. And to look at a life ahead, for an eight year old, with that diagnosis, it's life changing. Life changing and mind opening. My goals will not change, to help them be the best they can. But the need to advocate on D's behalf is stronger than ever. I guess I believe that god gave me these challenges for a reason, and I can't let anyone down.
Once again I am rambling on. Introspective and thoughtful. But really my point is that I don't need news stories to tell me things I already know. Life is hard. Raising kids is hard, disabilities or not. It's the challenges that make us who we are. It would be no good if we were all cookie cutter images with no discernible qualities. Right now the boys are sleeping, I am writing, and the night is quiet. It's all that I was asking for.