New Years resolutions. We all make them, and I seldom keep them. I actually can not remember a year when it wasn't two months in and I had blew up everyone of them. It's not that I set the bar too high, or push myself to unrealistic goals. I just loose the motivation. I guess it's just easier to follow the same old same old. But this year, this is the year I want to make a change. A change for me, and my boys. Because what ever changes I make impact them as well.
My biggest resolution will be to find the ability to say "No". Not no in a mean way. But to make decisions for me and follow my heart and values. Not keep towing the line for everybody else. I think that one simple goal will flow into every other goal and resolution I can make. Because by saying "No" to some things, I will be able to put myself first and have the time to work on the things I need to work on. Trying to please everybody else and make everybody happy (and like me) is getting real hard, and real old. And truth be told it doesn't always work out that way.
Second one will be to get a backbone and stick to my guns. This really pertains to the boys and parenting. Getting D to stay in his own bed all night, one of the BIGGEST goals, will take this will power. Because he is a master at manipulating my emotions and getting me to back down on these things. Going hand and hand with this will be keeping my cool with the boys and watching my reactions to minor infractions. And I guess that backbone could pertain to some issues with T also. Which brings us to the third one.
Third one, make some tough decisions on my relationship and what I want out of it. This is a tough one because everyone I love has an opinion on this. My BFF's, my mom, and someone else. Even people I barley know have opinions on this. The problem with that is I don't know people's motives, which all may be good, and I don't know if what I say has clouded their judgement or if they are seeing things for themselves. Because if they are see things for themselves than I could weigh it against what I see. And the more I think about things the more I know it's me, and the fact what I want out of life has changed, and that at 36 I have finally grown up and figured out just who I am. (This is the major problem with getting married at twenty to the first guy you ever dated and than having a decade full of hardship. And also the major problem with a mother who was first distant than overbearing. There, I said it. Finally admitted this to myself! Big step people) This one will not be taken lightly, a lot rides on this. And it shall not be spoken of. Got it?
Fourth and final, the novel. The writing. Take this seriously and get it to the next level. Finish the book, bang out stuff for NP, and amp up the blog. Writing is all I have ever wanted to succeed at and I need to find out if I have what it takes.
Well, that is pretty heavy. Let's see how this all works out, hopefully things don't get blown out of the water. They are not really that hard for resolutions. Are they?