Monday, June 4, 2012

Taking Care Of Me.......



I spent the weekend suffering form a severe allergic reaction to the antibiotic Amoxicillian. I have never felt so bad, I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. (OK, maybe that's not one hundred percent truthful, but I don't want to sound too crazy.) The swelling, itching, hives and total run down feeling were too much to take. After a wasted doctor visit Friday and a trip to the ER Saturday I was finally able to get some relief. It is amazing how wonderful Prednisone is on these occasions.

I don't want to bore you with all the small details. But the whole thing had me thinking. Things have been looking up in my life. Todd and I are connecting better and have found common ground. I have hope there. We might get back to where we were. I have made some great new friends, realized how much my older friends care for me, and learned to let go of the ones that hurt me. I have been pushing my bad decisions to the past and trying to get back into yoga. I decided today that getting back to healthy eating, and positive thinking can't help either. Destructive thoughts really do bring you down. I have had enough with being down.

And in a moment of clarity I found I really do need to take time for myself. Before I go crazy. I need some time away from the boys and the constant advocating. I need some time to breath, to sleep in, to work on my writing, and to just decompress. I need to teach myself to relax, to let go, and get over the feeling that it is selfish to take care of myself. If I am better inside, I will be better for them. I just need to stick to my guns on it. Why can't I be both? My own women and a great wife and mother? I see how the negativity has drug us all down, and the positiveness can help us flourish. It's about learning to balance all that we have.

I guess I am starting to see things happen for a reason. I believe in faith, and karma. And I don't want to tempt them. I don't want the mistakes I made in the past to come back and bite me in the butt. So I continue to search for that balance. Mothers have it hard. So I guess it is better to leave those things in the past and go on. I know that the decisions I make may not be the right ones for someone else. But I have to live with them. I can't please everybody, and when I stop trying to maybe I will be happier. Ever wonder why it takes years for us to realize these things?

So on with the day, on with the travels. If you are a mother weigh in on how you make time for yourself. How do we balance family and our need to be a "person" too.  Wow, I am getting deep all of a sudden. Back to the books.

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