Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Stress.....Depression... and Writing

Stress. When I get overwhelmed, I get stressed. Which is happening all the more frequently lately. And when I get that way, the words don't come easy. Which means, my writing suffers. And this is a vicious circle as writing makes me feel better.

I wish I had the ability to leave it at the door to my room and just unplug. But damn, real life sucks doesn't it. Even when I tell myself the momentary hurtles will disappear and things really aren't as bad as they seem, I dwell. Please, make it go away!

Even the smartest and richest among us struggle with the day to day. I guess that's why Robin Williams death hit me so hard. He wasn't one we associate with depression and strife. Seemingly he had it all. Money, fame, by all accounts a great guy. But even in his bright and colorful world, that monster lurked around the corner.

I can sympathize. I have struggled with depression since my teens, and the last few years life has thrown some curve balls at me. Curve balls that have made that dark monster jump out more frequently. Struggles that we all have, seem insurmountable to those who live in fear of the grip of depression.

Raising my son on the autistic spectrum has seemed to magnify those struggles. Especially when I see my own manic fear and anxiety reflected back to me in his eyes. His toughest days are often mine too. And we bumble through them together, emerging on the other side weary and clinging to each other for life.

I just find myself asking the same questions. Am I doing things right? When we will just break even? When will it get better? Some days the stress is so bad I find it hard to think. The key is to break through it.

Someone recently asked me if the character of Lilly in Hunting The Moon was based on myself. Yes. She has a lot of my character traits, and I have totally been in that dark depression she found herself in. I have sat with the thoughts going through my head, I have made some of her choices, and some worse ones. That's why writing Lilly was so therapeutic.

I read somewhere to write you have to live. And maybe that's my problem. I'm stuck in my little world and not living like I should. We become encapsulated in our life, we forget others exist and are hurting as well. We forget we are all living, and fighting battles. We forget that we are all unique, and yet all the same in our human faults. Maybe that's the root cause of our stresses and our depression. When we don't connect with others.

So stress, go visit somewhere else and take depression with you. Let me fill my mind with positive thoughts, let me not worry so much. Because positivity breeds positivity. Manifesting good thoughts, instead of bad. It's something we all need to consciously practice. And something that is oh so hard to do. But it really is the arch enemy of depression and stress.

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